How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
