how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
