And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
