I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
