Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
