I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
