she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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