fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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