a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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