I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
