benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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