on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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