Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
