I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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