im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I party with great urgency now.
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