I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
