3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
