it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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