Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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