He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
