I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
we're so committed to being not committed
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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