What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
