EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
only if we run a train.
done.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
