I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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