Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
