once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
