Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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