shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
