i just had sex bonerless
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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