giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
