Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
