the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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