Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
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just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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