Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
