My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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