Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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