It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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