she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
