I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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