Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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