I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
