Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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