The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize