who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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