The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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