I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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