eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
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I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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