I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
