you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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