fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
