i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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