So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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