He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
