My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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