well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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