You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
