where am i from again
everyone is single if you try hard enough
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
