when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
