I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
