There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He shit in the fireplace
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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