I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
