After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize