so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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