I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
