in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
