I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
