how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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