So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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