"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
